Funny Ha-Ha

Last night I went to a play, The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told, and laughed for almost three hours straight. Or maybe "straight" is not exactly the word to use in this particular context -- this, after all, was the story of the world through the eyes of Adam and Steve, and Jane and Mabel! But this fundraiser for the Asheville Area HIV/AIDS coalition was amazingly funny, intelligent, thought-provoking, and entertaining, and it just affirmed what I have been feeling for weeks now:

I want to write funny.

Which is a good thing, since apparently I can't keep the funny out of my writing even if I try. I received several comments from contest judges about the strength of my "voice" throughout my manuscript and how the sudden forays into humor didn't seem quite in character with my wounded heroine and hero. Well, that's just not true -- in the strange world that is my mind, chaos and adversity are handled with humor either during, or after, even the darkest moments of existence.

Everything has a humorous side, albeit at times a very dark humor, and everything is also its own story. That's how I live, and that's how I write.

So, now what?

This throws my plan right out the window (no problem, god, glad I could give you a giggle). I guess it would help if I knew where the Golden Pen thing stands (they were supposed to announce final standings yesterday) and whether I am going to get a request for a full manuscript or not. If not, I am really leaning toward diving right into the chick-lit/women's fiction market. Hey, over the past week, I have come up with several book ideas -- and one that is just downright hilarious. Just talking it out and writing it down in an e-mail had ME laughing out loud and it was like watching the whole idea evolve like a movie in my head.

And that's the way I want writing to be -- fun, exciting, effortless (well, in the mind anyway). If I wanted writing to be morose and plodding, then life would have to be also, and I am SO over that. Not to mention that I have lived way too long by my "laugh your way through/out of it" philosophy to go back now.

So I'm going to write funny. Funny ha-ha. And f**k 'em if they can't take a joke.

First there is a novel, then there is no novel, then there is

I made it, sorta.

If anyone does not believe in the effects of Mercury Retrograde, I would like to climb up on a soapbox and proselytize. Normally this little period of backward motion is a GOOD time for me -- lets me catch up on unfinished business, stop and take a look at what is not working for me anymore. Also provides me with belly laughs at those who experience its well-publicized effects of things getting lost, destroyed, breaking down, etc. Heh heh heh.

Not any more.

If the "pasting old over new" debacle weren't enough, then the "laptop crashing the final morning" pushed me right over the cliff into believerdom. When that little blue error screen showed up not once, not twice, but three times, I quickly e-mailed the file to myself between blue screens, then went to retrieve it on Janet's computer. Fortunately, most of it made it - only lost a couple of pages there at the end. Even more fortunate, something (bless you, Something) had convinced me to print out the final copies of the synopsis and first three chapters for the Golden Heart entry first thing that morning, so I had those in hard copy -- a good thing since I was unable to retrieve those files after the crash.

Anyway, with an hour wasted dealing with techno angst, I dove in and tried to finish and patch as best I could. It is a sloppy effort at best and I am totally relying on the wisdom of my Cherry NoMo buds that the judges really only see those first 3 with synopsis. Since I didn't have the time or ink to print out the entire book, I submitted the complete on a CD. Speaking of Mercury walking backward...

I grabbed two what-I-thought-were-blank CDs and quickly burned the book to one of them. Something (bless you, Something) made me pull up the CD to make sure it burned correctly. It was at this time that I discovered I had burned it onto an unlabeled CD containing dozens of personal photographs -- including those LOVELY shots of me in a bikini taken for the Fit for Life project at work summer before last. YAK...

Okay, by now I am working on 39 hours without sleep, general panic, and a FedEx closing time only 35 minutes away. And what happens? I hit the wall. Pow. Suddenly my brain implodes and I have no recollection of how to burn a CD. Really. All the know-how evaporated. I started to whimper... I started to cuss... I started to kick Janet's computer to Arden... Then my brain came back on.

I burned the CD, threw the 6 paper copies of Synopsis/First 3 Chapters Janet had xeroxed for me earlier that day into the FedEx package, without even checking them to be sure all the pages were there or even in order, and jumped into my car for the ride to FedEx. Hit every red light on the way.

When I get there, with 3 minutes to spare, I have to wait in line behind some woman who has to talk about her son and getting his birthday present to him on time, even though she doesn't want to spend the additional money to do so. ARGHHHHHH. When she finally leaves, I move up to the window and present my package, and ask my questions about shipping and guaranteed delivery times, etc. I can hear myself -- I am talking ninety miles a minute.

The agent is staring at me. I try to talk slower. She is still staring, but at my shirt. I look down. I have had the same clothes on for at least three days; my sweatshirt has a smear of dried whipped cream and an assortment of ground in food crumbs. It is 40 degrees outside and I am wearing Birkenstocks with no socks. I haven't brushed my hair in at least 24 hours. Brushing my teeth went out with the paste-over crisis, and, as I take a deep breath to calm myself, I realize I can't remember my last shower. I reek.

So I mumble that whatever she said was fine and shove my debit card at her. She was probably wondering why a bag lady had a debit card anyway and how anyone who smelled so bad could be mailing a package to the Romance Writers of America. Whatever, Trevor. I haven't eaten in 12 hours or taken my meds. I am fading fast...

Went home, ate, took a bath, fell asleep in the tub, got into bed and slept for 14 hours, went to work, came home, fell in the bed, slept for 10 hours... it's done, it's crappy, but it's a complete book. And once I recuperate -- maybe by Tuesday -- I will take it out, read it, try not to burn it right away, and get to work on making it all better.

So am I done with this blog? Hell no, don't you want to follow the rest of the process to publication or rejection? Stay tuned, keep reading, there's much more to come. And then there are all those other books I plan to write. MWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!!!